We want it to look like the Mediterranean... Could be the South of France but no palm trees, the client doesn’t like Palm trees. Southern Italy works, but not Sicily. Why? I ask, as a Sicilian.  The people are 'too dark'. Physically or emotionally? The question is ignored, the briefing goes on… Basically it’s Rome, but by the sea, without old buildings.  No old buildings? No, we like old buildings, just not that old. 

You’ve all seen the TVC featuring the location scout, it’s pretty close to the truth. Except these days, location scouts are history. If you’re making X-MEN and your budget is the size of Romania’s GBP, location managers aren’t a problem, but back in the credit crunched real world location managers have been replaced by the guy in the office currently checking his social media status. PA’s are the location scouts of the future, hell the 5S even has panorama, how hard could it be?   

Let me tell you something about finding locations, finding locations has nothing to do with locations. A location is only as good as the person who gets you permission to film. And the permission is only as good as the bargaining power of your location manager. This is the person who will keep your show on the road when the old lady in the upstairs apartment is suddenly not happy you’re filming under her beloved balcony. No spotty guy with an iphone is going to get you out of that corner.

Late in 2013, as the warm glow of summer headed South, my “Mediterranean feeling” job was confirmed, but the location was not.  Positivity on, I dial local contacts - it's the Mediterranean, but no historical buildings, no foliage, especially palm trees and we need sun.  I know just the place, says my guy in Rome - Sicily!

Rome is out, Croatia’s in, and then Croatia’s out and Lisbon is in. Pretty soon, as Ken Kesey’s infamous bus sign read we were going “nowhere” fast. In a way locations weren’t wholly to blame. Yet again this was a typically modern production with a “challenging” budget - apart from quasi-Mediterranean requirements we also needed to create a high speed chase through a busy market with stunt doubles on Vespa’s and fruit flying everywhere – think Knight and Day crossed with an Italian comedy from the late Sixties. Bit of an ask.

Then, in true modern European style, the outside man, or should I say woman came to the rescue - Greece.

Now I have nothing against Greece, in fact, as a Sicilian, Greece is the Sicily of my dreams. Believe me I’ve watched Medeiteraneo many times. You tell me we’re shooting in Greece and I’m doing a deal just to get there, but Greece to look like Italy, really? Isn’t it the place to go if you want white on white with a bit of azure?

Then again, as an old producer of mine once said, choose the wrong lens and everywhere looks like Peckham.

Turns out I was totally wrong. Seems that back in the day the Greeks were in love with Italian architecture and build their first City Italianate style. Nafplio is not only the perfect Mediterean backdrop it’s charming and has a couple of streets that would bring a tear to even the toughest Venetian. Of course they have been somewhat ravaged by modern tourism and the place lacks some of the necessary “charm”, but all of that can be fixed with a good location art director and some time.

Enter Avion films, with the enviable task of transforming Nafplio into a non specific Medetearn location through which a couple of crazed Romanian stunt doubles can narrowly avoid local extras without disturbing the perfectly placed fruit stalls integral to the plot. And you know what, these guy not only have location managers but they have location managers who can manage.

Within days thanks to the team and Simos Korex, a very old friend of mine, (director in his own right), we were in business. The street was dressed, the sun was shining and there wasn’t a plam tree to be seen. But just as the crane was about to swoop in across the shot the shutters on an upstairs balcony opened and an old woman appeared. She pointed at me with her walking stick and yelled in Greek what I only presumed was – hey sonny, what you doing on my street you little punk!

I can’t even begin to tell you what our location manger had to do to calm her down...

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Let’s set the record straight, I was not on holiday.

Just because I took a break from the blog doesn't mean I was taking it easy. No beach side point break for me. Directors don’t do holidays. Holidays are for teachers, government officials and the big man in the red jacket: what a gig, one day a year and the rest, an endless summer… yo ho ho baby!

But as they say, a change is as good as a rest.

I've left Moon and have a lovely new home at Annex and and I’ve just got back from New York shooting for Shots brand of the year Samsung. But more of that in the months to come. First…

It’s back to Santa’s homeland, Turkey. Yes, you heard me right, St Nick came from the South and has his own Christmas Island, or was that Dean Martin. Returning to Istanbul for a second OMO campaign, thanks to my friend at Lowe and Atlantik Film (great company if anyone wants to shoot in this part of the World), I’m interested to see City life now the summer’s infamous scenes in Gezi park have Twittered away.

Istanbul was unrecognisable. No more tear gas, no more water cannons and no more fasting - last time Ramadan was testing people’s spirituality and Taxi drivers were failing miserably. If you’ve never seen the City's infamous gridlock on an empty stomach think Grand Theft auto, for real.

But it seems most people in this incredible City have nerves of steel. OMO scripts call for dirt. In OMO land, dirt is good. Leaking pens, filthy playgrounds and exploding food are often the order of the day. On my last shoot the man in charge of pyro-burgers was known as “The Doctor” and he was very very professional. You have to respect a fasting man sitting in front of fifty hamburger for twelve hours a day, with only the will of God to keep him going. That's service. Allahu Akbar!

Despite the tricky nature of shooting with children, stain management, and empty stomachs the result was charming - see below.

But that was then and this is now, I'm back at the same school in Istanbul on OMO part 2 faced with two twins who are expected to deliver Emmy award winning performances. Direction done I shout "action" and hold my breath. One little girl looks at the camera and says, "I need toilet". Looks like it's going to be a long day...

But Turkish crews are used to the hours. That could all change in the New Year when they sign a deal with local production companies limiting the working day. Personally I think it’s the way ahead. Anything that manages expectations in an achievable way has to be a good thing.

So in the spirit of change, as the year draws to a close, please check out Annex and Gusto's new table top connection with Grinder in Cape Town – can’t be a bad call shooting in Cape town as the winter freeze sets in.

To one and all I’d like to thank you for making 2013 so enjoyable and wish you a Happy Holidays! Or should I say…. do something new this Season, it’s good for the soul.

Beware… advertising is a virus. There’s a self-replicating gene, called a “meme”, spreading social media at an alarming rate. But don’t be afraid, it’s only Richard Dawkins opening this year’s 2013 International Festival of Creativity.

Welcome to Cannes, baby! By the time you read this your rose haze will hopefully have faded along with the azure blue skies of the Cotes D’Azure. But what was this year’s festival really like? Was it worthy of the 60th year?

There were definitely some interesting winners. 
Great to see branded content coming of age: chocolate created a successful love story, a man woke up everyday with a new face and some obvious less engaging Lions 
Just shows what can be achieved across platforms if characters and stories engage. For film we should raise a glass to the “dude”, who thought budgie smugglers would breathe fresh life into alcohol advertising. Proves what great casting can achieve. Also nice to see food getting a look in with Lurpak. I’d love to see a whole TV series about the mysterious “cook” and her buttery powers, wouldn’t that be great?

Onstage Mother were teaching everyone “how not to be a douche”, and there were the usual celebs as well as some unusual ones.

But what about life outside the Palais? I arrived at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon and the Sandpit was full, the Carlton Terrace was heaving, and the beach restaurants buzzed with production companies from around the world. Unlike the atmosphere a few years ago the feeling was upbeat, positive and resourceful. As the old sign in the Las Vegas Casino reads, “you have to be present to win”. But win what, exactly?

What links lectures, delegates, and Golden Lions with the heady goings-on of the fringe? Why isn’t there a place, like the Film Festival’s official bar, where delegates and non-delegates can mix without getting ripped off? Google try (but you’ve got to be a delegate), the Carlton make a living out of it (you’ve got to be a millionaire) and others miss the mark with elaborately themed parties.

The only people who really impressed were the APA – top work Steve. They were trying, with events such as the producer's lunch, to start a more meaningful conversation that could actually go somewhere rather than into The Gutter. Seems to me that this is definitely the way ahead. A way for your week in the Sun to have more effect that a lasting hangover. Maybe clients could sponsor a few events and then we’d really have a focus for the fringe? Failing that I’ll settle for a goodie bag. Too cheap? Sorry.

Or maybe I’ve got it all wrong. If advertising is spreading like a virus maybe the really juicy stuff at this year’s festival of creativity happened online, tweeted to the world. Personally I’d prefer a bit of eye to eye and a good old glass of the pink stuff. Seems that the 15,000 other people agree.

But that, as they say, is already history. I’m packing my gas mask and heading off to Istanbul to shoot a very nice film for my friends at Atlantik. See you next month with stories from the City that never sleeps and the man who has brought new meaning to the "word" silence. Onwards to enlightenment. Insha'Allah