Confectioners and florists delight, singletons despair; February 14th is almost upon us. The second-most celebrated holiday in the world (beaten by New Year’s Eve if you’re asking), Valentine’s Day encapsulates many things – and not always romance.

First there’s that teenage anxiety of being forgotten. Then there’s the fledgling relationship fear of getting it completely wrong. And then the yearly experience of being ripped off by ‘all-inclusive Valentine’s feasts’. A couple of hearts on the menu shouldn’t add a tenner to the bill. That’s just my opinion. And the same goes for that bastard with the harp.

When it comes to commercials, Valentine’s Day is surprisingly small beer for UK advertisers. Perhaps it comes to soon after the January drive? Whatever the reason, it’s often a time solely reserved for flogging jewelry, perfume and cards. And they really run with it.

However, elsewhere in the world it’s still an important window in the wider media buying schedule. And, as I recently rediscovered, there’s a strict etiquette to dating and commercials relating to the Birthday of Cupid – or however the day started.

The first thing you’ve got to consider is your props. Take flowers for example. If your prop master hasn’t read the PPM notes (that’ll be the day) or the director hasn’t asked the client the right questions, you could be visualising a funeral without even thinking about it.

You think I’m exaggerating? I wish I was. My latest commercial for Alpen has a charming opening sequence in which the young heroine receives a bouquet of flowers from her eager suitor. But what flowers? I suggested twelve red roses. Timeless. Classic.

Yeah, classic for a fallen soldier maybe. In Russia, red flowers symbolise war and bloodshed. What’s more, giving flowers in even numbers is extremely bad luck. And I don’t know what you’re doing with those yellow carnations – they’re no replacement! Yellow blooms symbolise parting and deceit. Why do these deeds even need their own flowers?!

Look, I’m no stranger to cultural diversity. Hell, I’m Italian. I know that you never remove your jacket at a marriage banquet before the father of the bride – especially if he happens to be sitting at a table in my homeland of Sicily. Doing so would result in a silence that would make you long for the omerta. But there are just too many complicated Valentine’s Day rituals to be observed for your average commercials director.

For example, in Japan, Valentine’s Day is a double-headed affair. The woman bestows a gift to their boyfriend ‘or any man close to them’ on February 14th. A month later, the man reciprocates on White Day. What most interests me here is the phrase: ‘any man close to them’. I’d love to see that line in a director’s interpretation for any project other than a ‘free and easy’ dating service. And just an aside: be careful wishing people a Happy White Day in public places. Culture can be lost in translation.

Knowledge like this is gold in our global industry. You need to be up on your local traditions. So here’s a quick Valentine’s Day run down. In Latvia and Lithuania it’s traditional to put stickers on your lover’s face and clothes. Don’t ask. In Wales they give spoons. Danish guys are expected to write a witty poem signed with dots. While Mexican men should join forces with a couple of mates and serenade their beau from under her window. Imagine that in England? ‘Err, Mick, Kev, I need a hand….’

Closer to home, in Norfolk, they have a dubious character called Jack Valentine who mysteriously leaves presents for kids on doorsteps. Someone should probably do a background check on him.

While the way we celebrate Valentine’s Day varies immensely, the way the industry portrays it remains maddeningly one-paced. There’s too much of this – cloying and sickly fare.

I think companies should use this unique holiday to go at things from a different angle. It’s a chance to cut loose and get people to love your brand for the fun of it. I’m talking about ads like this one. That said; this neat Google advert is a sentimental gem.

So what’s trickier, depicting Valentine’s day or getting it right with the spouse? I guess it depends where you’re filming. To all those celebrating with a loved one this year, enjoy. And if you’re alone in this world, make sure you circle April 14th in your calendar. That’s Black Day in South Korean culture – a day for singletons to eat black noodles and mourn their love life. Noodles and heartache – tasty!

A director meets a celebrity to discuss their latest project: a direct response commercial. The director is experienced – but not in DRTV. The celebrity is experienced – but not in DRTV. This will be fun, they naively agree. The agency creative enters, she’s wielding a brief:

“Well, it’s quite simple. Textbook DRTV. Direct to camera, twenty lines, and syllable perfect. Five call to actions, three phone numbers, the website details and the small print. All while gliding through a supermarket.”

Celebrity’s brow furrows.

“Stutter and it’s over. Stumble and it’s over. Obviously the whole piece must be delivered with warmth and compassion – like you’re talking to an old friend. But clear and strong enough to generate direct phone responses”

Celebrity’s award-winning smile evaporates.

“Oh, and as I told your producer, we only have eight hours to shoot everything, including the variations – that’s the 30-second commercial, the regional variations and three 10-second films. Ready?”

Cold sweat glistens on celebrity’s remarkably wrinkle-free forehead. Celebrity and director exchange a look. Director thinks: perhaps there’s more to this DRTV lark than meets the eye.

This actually happened. It was my introduction to DRTV – and I’m pleased to say it was a success. But talk about a learning curve. The thing is; DRTV is different to other commercials. It’s not about mood boards and perceptions. DRTV commercials deal in hard numbers, immediate data and measurable results.

That’s why they require a safe pair of hands. They need a director who knows how to work with actors and has the scriptwriting experience to input ideas. Crisis management skills are also vital. I remember shooting a DRTV ad when the presenter suddenly burst a blood vessel. Film school doesn’t teach you how to handle this – experience does.

DRTV has its roots in direct mail. It follows similar rules. Namely: ‘if you have something worth saying, it’s worth saying.’ The Father of Advertising, Sir Ogilvy, knew this. He said so in this fantastic video from 1985. Listen to your dad.

But all this talk of numbers and measurement doesn’t mean DRTV has to be dry and calculated. Honestly. Even the simplest messages can be given a human or humorous touch. It’s about finding ways to elevate the film without diluting or confusing the content – and knowing where to put the camera to get that subtle look or extra laugh.

Just look at this fantastic example from the Dollar Shave Club. Costing just $4,500 to make, it’s been viewed over six million times on YouTube and has catapulted Dollar Shave into the world’s consciousness and Google’s first page. And then there’s this award winner for Warner Leisure, a Grand Prix winner, and my personal favorite.

Technological advances mean DRTV is now more economically efficient than ever before. The videos are also better quality and more versatile. Ads like this no longer cut it. Forced sincerity and clunky scripts are out. Today’s DRTV should be shared online as well viewed on daytime TV and shopping channels. Just look at these spots from Hotter and Vertbaudet. With their bouncy soundtracks and warm, human feel, they could be lifestyle commercials. These can sit on a company websites and earn their keep.

Companies are starting to incorporate their DRTV work into their overall brand strategy. There’s no point spending a fortune on TV ads and agonising over your online presence if you’re going to jeopardise your hard-earned kudos by banging out a quick DRTV talking-head.

And that’s the big change. I’m getting more calls than ever from clients who want to add production value and brand values to their DRTV presence, treating their campaigns in the same way that any other brand or agency treats a TV launch, and that’s before you’ve even talked about what an online presence can do.

Brands are starting to realise that DRTV can be an affordable and pivotal advertising medium – did you see the front page of last weeks Campaign Philips launches direct marketing contest. They’re not the only ones. After three years creating successful campaigns for LV, Asda and now McCarthy and Stone, I now know that there’s more to this medium than meets the eye. I’m officially a DRTV convert and I have a little secret to share with you all…

Somewhere, hidden in one of my most recent films is Boba Fett, how cool is that?

They say that clothes maketh the man. And they’re right. But in my experience, clothes can also killeth the character.

Trust me. I’ve got form here. I’m not a man who takes his garments lightly. Just ask anyone who’s ever worked with me overseas. They’ll tell you I pack like a diva. If the luggage allowance says two cases, I’m taking two cases. Why be a sartorial martyr?

Clothes are important. From a change in mood, to a change in weather – you’ve gotta be prepared. There’s nothing worse than standing there at 4.A.M, longing for that knit jumper you didn’t pack with a 12 hour shoot ahead of you. Been there, don’t want to go back.

But enough about my wardrobe, let’s discuss our industry’s. What happened to the costume? My wife was a stylist, so I’ve seen what great styling can achieve. She worked with Coleen Atwood – the mind behind Charlize Theron’s recent incredible beetle get-up. Genius!

So with talent like this out there in film, it’s frustrating that everyone in commercials seems to blend into one. Is it a talent gap? Or have ‘fashion uniforms’ taken over the world? I think the latter. I picked my daughter up from school the other day and couldn’t move for fawn brogues, blue pea-coats and turned-up jeans. And that was just the grand-parents.

I think it’s also a sign of these cost-cutting times. The stylist has become an area that can be cut in the budget. Now it all seems a bit: ‘Can’t a PA just grab a few things from H&M?’ Costume designers are under threat.

OK, this might not be the case in the higher end of UK commercial production. But hang on. Does that still exist? Or has it become a by-word for ‘let’s stay at Mount Nelson, baby!’ Don’t get me wrong, there are some great stylists in Cape Town, but they’d freely admit that they’re often caught between the devil and the Southern Right with what’s available. You want swimming shorts? Easy. A pea coat? Ah.

The thing is: costume and attire are a vital part of the character. The V&A’s latest exhibition illustrates this. I mean, where would Dorothy be without her sparkly slippers? What about Indiana without his hat? Darth without his mask? Captain Sparrow without his beads? Or The Driver without his scorpion embroidered bomber jacket? I could go on.

I won’t though. I’ll turn to Christmas ads instead. Costume is vital here too. The John Lewis snowman goes to the ends of the Earth to find his snowwoman hers. Yep, the hat and scarf that warm her heart – but not enough to melt her. (I know, I know, you don’t melt things with insulation – it’s a blog post, not a research paper). Then there’s this classic from M&S. It was all about the ‘clothes, clothes, clothes’. And it worked. Twiggy’s blouse became the best-selling product in the company’s long history. Wow.

However, the costumes in this year’s festive ads are almost interchangeable. The ‘fashion uniform’ strikes again. Certainly, none of them have anything on the chic, all-white outfits sported in this festive gem.

Now we can’t talk about Christmas and costumes without discussing the big man himself: ol’ St. Nick and his red ‘n’ white Coca-Cola uniform. What a corporate stooge! Right? Wrong! The popular image of Father Christmas was actually created by the ‘Father of American Cartoon’, Thomas Nast. So if you happen to think that a crushed-velvet red and white dangly hat is a little much, blame Nast, not those purveyors of sweet, brown nectar. Anyway, as the cartoon above shows, it could’ve been a lot worse.

In fact, I’ve seen a lot worse. My go-to festive costume story (yes, I’ve got one) occurred at a star-studded panto in Ladbroke Grove. Being home to the stars, each year the local ‘slebs would perform a Christmas carol. One year, the designated Santa went on a bender and didn’t show. My mate gallantly stepped in and was Santa-d up by my wife. He ended up looking fantastic. So much so that after the performance a West Indian grandmother congratulated him. She remarked that he was so much better than last year’s celebrity because he’d worn ‘da boots’. Apparently last year the man had left on ‘im trainer’, shattering the illusion for Grandmother Tobago.

So there you go. Even when it comes to Father Christmas, clothes maketh the man.

Happy Holidays everyone, thanks for the work and fun times this year. New films online for the new year, but in the meantime here's a festive "making of". See you all on the flipside.